Saturday, April 2, 2011

Did I mention sometimes its hard?

I had an experience at church last weekend that I wanted to share.  I shared in a previous blog about the hard time that I have been having with our living situation.  Well, that is not all that has been on my mind.  I have been very overwhelmed with every aspect of life lately.  I just continue to feel like I want to turn off my brain so that I don't have to think about anything...cover my head with the blanket and zone out!  Do you ever feel that way? 

Sunday I was really feeling the effects of this mental state.  Our pastor's message - (go to March 27th message) was really good and at the end of the message he did an altar call for those that needed to come back to God and for those that had empty cups.  And when he made the call, I knew I needed to go up, but I didn't want to-I did not want to go in front of 1,000 people-I did not want people to be thinking "why is she going up?" I work at the church as the Childcare Coordinator and what if the people, the pastor...anyone...was thinking that I had done something that has taken me away from God or that I needed to come back to God in some way.  But I knew that I needed to go up...God was telling me to.  My heart was pounding and I was getting all hot and sweaty!!  I waited to see if it would go away and I waited for others to go forward...NO ONE was going...I waited some didn't go away and I knew I had to go and so I went.  I was the only one (I made Randy go with me!) who went forward 2nd hour.  I felt like every eye in the building was on me.  I did not use my altar time the way I should have...really crying out to God for Him to fill me back up...but Randy prayed for me...and I just felt nervous!!  But, I did what God told me to do--I don't know why he wanted me to go, I don't know if it was for me or for someone else to see--but I know that I did what he wanted.  I was feeling empty and I needed God to fill me up. Oh Man it was hard to go and when I think about it, I still feel a bit concerned about what others were thinking. I am so thankful that I listened and did what I was suppose to do.

Earlier this year, when we first began to go to SEC on Wednesday nights an altar call (except it wasn't to go forward-it was just a raising of hands) was made in our class of about 200.  I had the same experience--my heart was pounding and I knew it was for me...I needed to show God that I was commited to Him, that I was going to re-commit myself to Him. I told Him from my seat but I did not raise my hand...I was too concerned with what others would think especially the pastor.  What if they thought I didn't already have a relationship with the Lord--here I am a Bible student, and I needed to raise my hand and possibly have people think that I was on a path away from God.  I was too prideful to do what God was asking me.  I left church that night feeling horrible--I couldn't do that small thing that God was asking me to could He trust me with something of more importance if I couldn't even do that small thing. When at church this last weekend it was that same feeling and I was reminded of this time that I did not listen to God's promptings and I did not want to do that again.

God was speaking to me in both instances.  One I followed, the other I ignored.  I don't want to ignore God's call.  I want to do what He asks of me no matter what it is.  It is hard and sometimes He calls us to do the uncomfortabe, sometimes he asks us to lay our pride aside and humbly admit that we are struggling and we need help, sometimes he asks us to do things that seem impossible.  Amazingly this week, I haven't struggled as much with the mental overload that I felt before!  God is good and faithful to give us strength.  Phil 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Is God speaking to you about something? Are you ready to listen and do what He has asked you to do? Don't ignore it--you may not get another opportunity to do what He is asking you.  It may seem like an impossible feat to follow--but you need to remember that when God brings you to something, He will walk you through it.  We don't do this life alone!  Be willing to lay aside your priveleges and follow Christ's example of Phil 2:5-11 and do what the Father is asking of you.

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