Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Another lesson on following!

Here I am again at a crossroads. Here I am again at the cross, again at the feet of Jesus, again begging for an answer. Lord what do you have to tell me about the decision in front of me? I am completely and utterly dependant upon you. I cannot make a decision without you, I have no idea what I should do, BUT I KNOW that you do. Lord reveal to me in my incompleteness what you have for me. I desire to completely be in your will for my life. I desire not to stick one tip-toe off of the path that you have prepared. Lead me, guide me-help me to stay on your path! Amen.

I feel like I come to this place often...the place that I have to make a decision and I know I have to rely on God, but I feel like I don't know what God is saying. My flesh, my mind get in the way and I try to work it out on my own--I don't want to do that.  I want God's wisdom to rule within me.

So, I have been struggling with my time commitments.  I am working 18 hours a week, I am taking 12 hours of class a week which leads to 12-24 hours of homework each week, and of course I am a wife and a mother--I am trying to exercise 3-4 times a week, and I am cooking dinner 1x a week and 1 weekend a month for the dorm students (that is just a total of 8 of us including my family). I am feeling overwhelmed and the only thing that I feel like I can give on is my work--by not working.  Now that seems like a simple answer, but I know that God provided this job for me at the beginning of the summer and I now that in the past this summer he has told me to keep at it-so I don't want to leave it and be out of His plan for me. But I am not feeling like He is telling me for sure to stay this time....but my confusion comes because I think maybe I am missing it because I want to leave the job. Then I remember about the time commitment that i have with my job and that I will be required to do some extra unpaid time as well for some trainings that I need to do--and I think I can't do that, I already do not have anymore time to commit to this job.  So then I think, well if I quit that leaves our income source and what God has been using to provide for my family--I can't do that.  So here I am in the midst of confusion....did you know that God is not the author of confusion-Satan is?  I don't want to be where Satan wants me.

This morning I was reading in my Bible in Exodus and Moses says to the Israelites in Exodus 15:26 "If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians for I am the Lord, who heals you,"  I want to listen carefully to the voice of the Lord my God.  I thought about some times in the last year that I had to make decisions and I knew I had written about them in my Blogs so I came back to read.  What has God done before?  What has he brought me through in the past?  LOTS of decisions!! And what always happens when God is speaking to me....PEACE, PEACE that can only come from Him.  So, what do I need to wait for? I need to wait until I receive peace from Him.

Lord bring me your peace for the decision I have. Thank you Lord!!!