WOW--we have been being tested on our obedience to continue to follow Jesus on the path he has laid before us.
Randy and I have been praying about a new adventure. The adventure that lies before us is: living on campus--actually in the school at Salem Bible College. They have made a place for us and we know that God is directing us there. But along with the fun of a new adventure come some hard decisions. Decisions that we can try to take into our own hands or decisions that we can rely on God to show us what he wants. But you know what happens when you want to rely on God and when you want to let Him show you the way? He typically gives you some time before he reveals His desires, some time to be patient and wait on Him--to show Him we trust Him; this time often leads us to jumping into making a decision without waiting for direction--taking things into our own hands. And this is precisely what I have just experienced.
Remember a few blogs ago I shared about how Randy's main source of income was taken away? Well when that happened I decided that I was going to need to try to work more in my current job when school starts again in the Fall--if possible. There is a position opening up for a preschool assistant teacher for 5 mornings a week. When I first heard about it, I had felt like I shouldn't pursue it because I was planning to go to school in the Fall. Well, when the money news hit I jumped ahead and said I was interested and that I would only go to school part time in the Fall to make it work out and if we ended up moving to Salem (which at the point was a distant hope) I would commute.
Well, this moving to Salem opportunity came through and we know it is God's direction for us. It is something that will continue to refine our focus and help us to grow in our relationship with the Lord and in our knowledge of His word. Last week Randy and I discussed the Salem move and the possibility of the job situation that I was hoping for and again I thought I just need to pursue the job and that I didn't want to tell the preschool again that I had changed my mind. Randy said that God might want me to not pursue it...and recalled a time when we were looking at moving from Eugene to Albany and thought we could continue to do some things in Eugene. So keeping part of us in Eugene and the rest of us moving forward to Albany.
Ok--so that all sets the stage for the real meat of want I want to share. Some of you that read this may find this strange---but that night after Randy and I talked and prayed together I was wide awake at 1 AM and up for 2 hours and I think I was arguing with God!! How did it come out? Of course God won and I learned a lesson--I chose to follow his lead and be obedient. During the two hours God revealed to me that I had jumped ahead of him when I said that I was interested in the preschool position--I was trying to take things into my own hands instead of relying on Him for His provision and direction. He reminded me of scripture about seeking His wisdom and finding it. James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But it isn't just about finding that wisdom from Him...it is about being obedient when He reveals His wisdom. Proverbs 8 is Wisdom's Call vs. 33-36 read 33 Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. 34 Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. 35 For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD. 36 But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death." I had not been being obedient. Ever since the day that I told my work that I was interested in being considered for the open position--I had felt like I should take it back--but I didn't want to. It took 2 hours in the middle of the night for me to finally say ok--I have to do that--I have to tell them that I can't do it. God reminded me of another time that we were seeking His wisdom for a decision and He had given me a clear picture in my mind of me with my foot in the door and then leaning out the door trying to move forward with the next step. Guess what? When your foot is stuck in a door of the last step you can't really move forward and put all your effort into the next step.
We always seem to want to pursue what we think to be logically be the best choice to. Proverbs 3:7 says Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. The best choice in our eyes is not what God always has in mind--and if it isn't what He intended for us--it is not the best choice--regardless of what we see. God wants us to be obedient--to do what He has asked us to do whether we like it, whether we are comfortable with it, whether we thinik it is best. And God is really testing us in this area right now. I have more--but this is getting long as it is and so I will wait for another day.
Thanks for reading,